Alibi Helmet
Your Dignity's Last Line Of Defense
A smart bike helmet that senses you stalling at red lights and auto-plays a fake flat-tire excuse over Bluetooth. Stop lying to spandex strangers — let your helmet do it for you.
Everyone can see you struggling.
- ✕You stall at every red light pretending to check your phone while actually just catching your breath.
- ✕Faster riders pass you on climbs and there's no graceful way to explain why you're crawling.
- ✕Making up an excuse mid-ride never sounds convincing, and everyone already knows it's not the seat.
Let the helmet handle it.
- ✓Wobble sensors catch the stall and quietly log it as a routine pause, not a public confession.
- ✓The reroute engine steers you off the hardest climbs before the fastest riders ever catch you.
- ✓A Bluetooth speaker delivers a believable flat-tire excuse automatically, so you never have to invent one.
Built different.
Wobble Frequency Sensor
An onboard gyroscope reads your front-wheel micro-oscillations to distinguish an actual stop from a stalling pretend-adjustment.
Dignity Loss Calculator
Camera-free proximity radar counts every spandex-clad rider who passes you on a climb and converts it into a live humiliation score in the app.
Stealth Reroute Engine
GPS quietly redirects your route away from the group ride's fastest climbers toward a flatter, less witnessed road.
Bluetooth Alibi Speaker
A hidden speaker broadcasts a convincing hissing-tire sound and pre-recorded excuse the instant your wobble score spikes.
Phone-Glance Camouflage
Motion sensors detect you checking your phone at a red light and flash a subtle helmet LED to make it look like a turn signal check.
Simple by design.
Clip In & Calibrate
The helmet's gyroscope learns your normal riding wobble during a short calibration ride.
Ride Gets Monitored
Sensors track cadence, wobble frequency, and nearby rider count in real time over ANT+ and Bluetooth.
Alibi Deploys
Once your dignity score crosses a threshold, the speaker plays a flat-tire excuse and the app quietly reroutes you home.
The clear choice.
Launching soon.
Join the waitlist for early-bird pricing — locked in for life.
- ✓ Wobble frequency sensor
- ✓ Dignity score app
- ✓ 1 alibi sound pack
- ✓ Everything in Basic
- ✓ Stealth reroute engine
- ✓ Unlimited alibi sound library
- ✓ Everything in Pro
- ✓ Custom voice alibi recording
- ✓ Lifetime firmware updates
Good questions.
Does it actually fix a flat tire?
No, it just sounds like one. Your tire stays exactly as flat or full as it already was.
Will other cyclists know it's fake?
The hiss and voice line are calibrated against real flat-tire audio samples. Most riders just nod sympathetically and pedal on.
Does it work with my existing bike computer?
Yes, it pairs over ANT+ and Bluetooth with most major head units. No extra hardware required.
Can I turn off the dignity calculator?
Yes, there's a manual 'I'm Fine' mode for confident days. Most users leave it on.
Is my humiliation data private?
Your dignity score is stored locally and never shared to leaderboards by default. What happens on the hill stays on the hill.
How long does the battery last?
About 14 hours of active riding per charge. The alibi speaker draws extra power only when triggered.
Be first in line.
Join thousands already waiting for Alibi Helmet.